we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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