Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
