thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dicks are not precious.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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