omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
