Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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