I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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