its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
and you fell through a lawn chair
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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