If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
