We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
