I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
