when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize