if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
