i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
