just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
