I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
