The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
