You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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