Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
