Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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