True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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