We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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