How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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