3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize