....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize