She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
