You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
