That's intense
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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