I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
