so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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