Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
