we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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