dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
