Just fell off a train. Bad.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
