Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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