sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
