he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
