you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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