So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He passed out mid-signature
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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