She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
