Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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