The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
