nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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