Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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