Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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