Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize