You're my little dorito
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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