Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
