I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
