A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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