I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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