You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
