I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
