I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
