census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
