May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
