You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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