Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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