shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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