This is not my ceiling
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
